


A Pair to be Feared

by jessicamep



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of blood and violence, Multi, Swearing, This is meant to be a long story, the reader is somewhat force sensitive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-21 13:23:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6053167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamep/pseuds/jessicamep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Meant to be an ongoing story and if I write too much here it'll spoil all my ideas for future chapters)</p>
<p>You've spent most of your life negotiating with Bounty Hunters. You're so good at what you do The First Order takes interest in you and you're transferred to the base. But, when something goes awry on an away mission you're dismissed from duty. That doesn't stop you from practicing your force-driven abilities, though. Who would with a teacher like Kylo Ren?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New to The Base

**Author's Note:**

> Tried to keep it somewhat movie accurate.  
> I anticipate as the story moves on point of views will change to other canon characters, but the majority of the story is from your (the readers) point of view  
> Also, the reader thinks to them self quite often. Since apparently I can't italicize things on here I wrote internal thoughts with a single quotation. (IE: 'what is he talking about?' )

 

Stumbling into your quarters absolutely exhausted, you kicked off your shoes thinking about the past few weeks. 'H _as it only been a few weeks?'_ You breathed a heavy sigh. ' _Life has been moving so fast.'_

Recently you’d been transferred from a small colony of recruiters to the planet known as Starkiller Base. It wasn’t a huge shock when you received the letter of transfer. ' _After all, I’m pretty damn good at what I do..'_

 

Being asked to the base was the highest honor, The First Order only recruited the best. Quickly, though, you learned just how much more work was involved here. You were still in charge of finding bounty hunters willing to serve The First Order but previously you only had to concentrate on a few nearby planets. Now, you had the whole galaxy to consider... and a team to take care of. Though a natural born leader, working by yourself had always been preferable. Having a whole team to command meant you had to find a way of teaching them all. The two weeks you’d spent here felt like 2 years. So much information had been thrown at you all at once.

 

Upon arrival to the base you were greeted by a chrome-plated Stormtrooper. You were used to the white-armoured suits patrolling your small colony but you’d never seen a Stormtrooper look quite so intense in their armour. She introduced herself as Captain Phasma.

 

“The General is waiting for you.” She turned to the Stormtrooper beside her and said “He’ll take you to him now.”

 

The regular white-armoured soldier brought you straight to the General. By now what exactly had been said in that meeting you can’t wholly remember. But you did learn that General Hux was a stern man, devoted to his work, and would not take ‘no’ for an answer. That’s why upon arrival you were given a room, an hour to unpack, and orders to report back to him immediately. Since then, work on the base had been nonstop.

 

 _'No matter',_ you thought to yourself, heading towards your bed. ' _Tomorrow, I rest. It’s my day off and I’ll be damned if I get out of bed before 8 o’clock.'_ Throwing yourself onto it and hitting the pillow hard, you were asleep in minutes.

 

***

 

The next morning you woke to a bright room, sun spears beaming through your window. You laid back and smiled, hardly remembering the last time you were able to sleep past sunrise. Even on the colony days started early.

 

Reaching over to your bedside table you searchingly groped for your tablet. ' _Oh come on, where is it?'_ Begrudgingly you pulled yourself up and looked over at the table. Your tablet wasn’t there. Yet you had sworn last night you pu- _‘ah-ha’_ it had fallen to the floor. You reached your hand down towards the fallen piece of metal and it slowly moved toward your open fingers. You opened it up to check the time.. ' _9:30.. I slept for nearly 10 hours'_

Crawling out from the comfort of your blankets your stomach hastily reminded you of skipping a meal the night before. Throwing on your uniform, checking your appearance in the mirror and thinking ' _eh, good enough',_ you headed for the dining hall.

 

Being nearly 10 o’clock now, most workers had already reported to their shifts so you had the majority of the place to yourself. It was nice having some time to gather your thoughts and eat your unsavory breakfast in silence. 'I _think I’ll take my chances of roaming the base today, learn where everything is so I don’t keep getting lost.'_ You chuckled lowly to yourself.

The first time you got lost you were nearly 20 minutes late to a meeting with Hux. The poor man had such a snotty look on his face.. Like he was about to explode with fury except he was desperately trying to keep his regal composure. You remember thinking he couldn’t rationally be upset with you, you had only been at the base 4 days and everything looked so similar.  

 

With that in mind you ate the last bit of your meal and headed out into the hall. The hall. Where everything looked exactly the same. To the left was your quarters, team office, and the direction of the command room where you occasionally reported to General Hux.. that at least you knew. But you had never ventured to the right. 'T _oday’s the day then.'_ Slowly you made your way down the empty hall, though it didn’t take long for you to encounter another two-way dilemma. Noticing the Stormtroopers on the right you asked

 

“Excuse me, I’m new to the base, what’s down here?”

“Nothing much, troopers living bunks mostly. Some officers quarters.”

 

 _'Mmm',_ you thought _, 'not too exciting. Left it is'_

 

Down to the left it was eerily silent. You thought it strange as usually there was some kind of noise happening.. metal clanking, vents blowing out air, soldiers marching. But no, the only sound was that of your heels hitting the floor. ' _Why’d I have to wear these blasted things, I should have put on the boots.'_ Approaching the first corner, you paused to adjust your right heel. As you straightened back up there was an alarming BANG.

“ _What the hell_ ” you said under your breath and turned the corner quickly.. A bit too quickly it seemed as you collided head on with what must have been a wall.

Knocked back and trying to recover your balance you looked up at what was not a wall.

Instantaneously you knew what it was, no matter where you went on the base there was always talk of the commander. Kylo Ren.

 

“SIR!” you yelled, gaining composure faster than ever. “I’m terribly sorry, I’m new to the base and .. and”

 

 _And what?_ You didn’t even know what to say. You were exploring? Looking up at the figure before you made your words catch in your throat. He was terrifying. A tall creature garbed entirely in black with broad shoulders and muscular arms hanging at his side, fists clenched. The black and silver mask reflected the light from under the cowl he wore. His appearance wasn’t all that struck fear, he was angry. Being minorly in tune with the force you could feel the anger illuminating off him. Leaning on the wall behind you for stability, you intended to head back down the hall and never return this way again.

 

“STOP.” You froze. The deep, robotic voice was enough to hold you in place.

 

Turning around slowly you asked “...Sir?”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I’m (Y/N). I’m new, Sir. I’ve been on the base only two weeks. I work under General Hux.”

 

“Why are you not at work now?”

 

You started to regain yourself. You knew what it was like to be intimidated, after all you worked with bounty hunters. Looking up at his mask you answered

 

“It’s my rest day. I thought I’d take the time to learn the layout of the base, I tend to get lost not knowing my way around.” You paused. “It hinders my ability to carry out orders.”

 _'That was good'_ , you thought. This way it seemed like you were supposed to be there, not just childishly exploring.

 

“Is that so?” He paused. “The prisoners are kept down here.” extending his arm to the side, motioning. “Would you care to explore that area more closely?”

 

_'Is he threatening me?'_

 

“No Sir” you reply “Perhaps I’ll return to the command room, I know my way around there just fine.”

 

You aimed to take a step back when there was a prick in your temple. Stopping, you put up a meager block in your mind. You knew what he was doing. Kylo Ren was trained in the ways of the force but you also had a minor ability and whether or not he was the commander, you don’t think too kindly of someone prying into your thoughts. The metal helmet tilted to the side slightly as he took a step forward and reached up to touch your face..

His hand dropped as General Hux and a few Stormtroopers rounded the corner behind you.

 

“(Y/N).” exclaimed Hux. He looked between you and the towering man, seemingly confused at first but easily losing interest.

 

“I see you’ve met Kylo Ren. I’m sure you’ve heard talk of him.” He turned to the man in black. “You weren’t trying to harm her were you, _Ren?_ ” He spat out the name. “We’ve had enough deaths on your part for the month. And this one’s good at her job.” Hux glared up at the silver mask.

 

“Oh. Have you _actually_ trained someone to be _good_ at their job?” The synthesized voice taunted.

 

_'These two obviously do not like each other.'_

 

“Careful Ren.” sneered Hux. He turned back to you and added “You’re dismissed.”

 

You nodded your head and took one last look at Kylo Ren when you noticed the dent in the metal wall next to him. 'S _o that’s what the bang was',_ you thought as you marched back down the hall, immediately returning to your quarters.


	2. Bounty Hunter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Was wondering if someone could comment and let me know if the italicized letters actually do show up? I'd rather not quote the 'thoughts' the reader has if the italics work. I thought I remembered someone telling me you can't italicize of this website, yet it shows up on my computer? Really appreciate it if someone could let me know. Thank you!)
> 
> -I'd like this story to seem somewhat plausible and my opinion is Kylo Ren wouldn't just "hit it off" with someone right away, it will take a little while. So there is a good amount of lead up/introduction in the first 3 or 4 chapters but it picks up after that. Bear with me here.-

It’d been about a week since your unexpected encounter with Kylo Ren. And admittedly, you found yourself thinking about him. It was rare for anyone to strike fear through your heart. You’ve worked with dangerous men all your life .. But the commander had a certain air around him, like nothing you’d ever felt before. It sent chills down your spine just thinking about the whole experience.

Today, though, you decided to forget about the whole ordeal and concentrate on your work.

It was a busy day since your team had finally found a bounty hunter willing to work for The First Order. Of course, he was only willing to carry out the contract for a “small” sum of credits. It came as no surprise, the only reason bounty hunters are in that line of work is to make money. This particular man wanted the exchange done in person. Usually this command would not be met with, but this was a special case as Starkiller Base was positioned near the planet in question. Honestly, you’d expected someone to take the offer earlier and wanted to prove to Hux you were as impressive at negotiations as rumoured. ' _A little extra leg work won’t hurt.'_

 

You opted to lead a team down to the planet by yourself. You knew exactly how this negotiation was going to go. Doubting you needed a team at all, you asked for only three Stormtroopers, knowing all they would serve for is intimidation. The First Order was a force to be reckoned with. No bounty hunter in his right mind would cross you, but it was a good idea to keep a few soldiers around for backup.

 

Just as quickly as your plan was formed, however, it was dashed.

 

“Being your first official away mission I insist you bring additional storm troopers. Troopers under the command of Captain Phasma.” Stated Hux.

 

 _'Under the command of Phasma? This is insulting.'_ You hid a scowl from your face, answering

 

“Yes, Sir” It was no use arguing. ' _Excessive troops will only get in the way.'_

 

“Tomorrow you will report to me before your flight down, I should have some additional information concerning where the credits will come from.”

 

He looked passed you, a bit distracted.

 

“Will that be all, General?”

 

You could feel a wave of anger headed towards you. ' _So that’s what he’s looking at.'_

 

“Yes, yes, dismissed.” said the General as he laced his fingers behind his back and stiffened.

 

You turned to walk away. Already upset over the limited amount of control you would have on your own mission you had no desire to look upon, nevermind speak, to the man headed in the General’s direction.

 

With that your shift was over. Early. Giving you plenty of time to ready for the away mission. ' _It will be nice getting off this blasted metal base'_ you thought as you headed back to your room. In only 3 weeks you’d gotten sick of the same old metallic and black fixtures everywhere. Life was much more exciting when you were free to go where you wanted, when you wanted. Entering your room you bitterly kicked the shoe in your way.. except you missed and hit the wall instead.

 

“DAMN IT” You yelled grabbing your foot wildly.

 

Stubbing your toe only made your anger worse. ' _I need to calm down.'_

Walking over to the window, you breathed deeply. ' _It’s not that big a deal. I’ll still control negotiations. Extra troopers will serve as extra intimidation. It’s no big deal.'_

Watching the snow gently fall outside you eventually calmed down. There was a beautiful forest surrounding the entire building. ' _There’s more to Starkiller Base than its metal structures.'_

Maybe, after this mission (as long as it went smoothly) you’d ask General Hux for permission to explore the planet in your free time. ' _I should have more free time soon.'_ Now that you had a good understanding of how the computer systems worked and assigned a position to each member of your team, it was all a little waiting game. The First Order would post contracts, and you would stand by for a bounty hunter to take the bait.

 

Watching the snow for a little while longer you thought ' _Yes. I will ask for permission to explore the planet. As soon as I get back.'_

 

*****

 

The following morning you reported to Hux just as commanded. He gave you the credits and information needed to do business with the bounty hunter.

 

“Captain Phasma should be waiting for you in the hangar, troopers ready.”

 

“Thank you, General” the answer left a bad taste in your mouth.

 

As you turned to leave, the door to Hux’s office opened.

Kylo Ren entered the room. As the hulking man passed by, you could feel him glaring at you through the mask.

 

“I will be accompanying the landing party.”

 

You weren’t sure if Ren was speaking to you or the General.

 

“What for?” questioned Hux.

 

“I believe the bounty hunter may have some important information.”

 

“What important information?” Hux locked his hands behind his back, standing up even straighter than usual. ' _If that’s even possible.'_

 

“That is none of your concern, General.”

 

The scowl on Hux’s face would intimidate any regular man. Unfortunately for him, it took more than a glare to trouble Kylo Ren.

 

“It is my concern as we need him to carry out a contract and he can’t very well do that if he’s _dead_.”

 

Kylo Ren crossed his arms against his large chest and said nothing in response. A moment of silence and a nasty stare dragged on until Hux eventually said

 

“Fine. (Y/N) see that our bounty hunter is not killed. Ren, let the girl do her business.”

 

Shaking his head he turned away and leaned over the computer to continue his work. You exited the office and made way to the shuttle hangar, glad to escape the tension in the room.

 

***

 

“You won’t be flying in that.” the deep voice of Kylo Ren rang behind you as you stood in front of Captain Phasma’s shuttle.

 

“Excuse me?” You turned to face him.

 

“As I am now accompanying you on the mission, you will land on the planet in my ship.”

 

_'Why is he offering this?'_

 

“I prefer to be in the same shuttle as the men I command, Sir. But thank you.” you said confidently.

 

He looked down at you. Had he not been wearing a mask you were sure he’d be staring you straight in the face.

 

“Since Phasma is in command and not you, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

 

He turned to walk away before you could speak another word. What he said stung. ' _Damn the General. Damn Phasma. And Damn Kylo Ren.'_ You would be flying down with Ren, it wasn’t an invitation, it was an order.

 

Kylo Ren’s ship was ready the second you approached it, a pair of Stormtroopers immediately escorted you on board. Just before the hatch shut Ren boarded, sitting next to you.

 

A while passed before you turned to him and said “Commander, if I may ask, what information does this bounty hunter hold? I extracted an extensive profile on him, he doesn’t seem the type to hoard secrets. I’ve worked with these types of men for years and can always pinpoint the ones withholding information.”

 

A strange feeling passed over you and you realized he had no intention to answer. You sighed, adjusted yourself, and waited for the shuttle to land. The ride was uncomfortable. There was always an aura of tension around Kylo Ren but you could feel something else. It was almost.. awkward. ' _At least he’s not exhibiting angry behaviour_.' He didn’t even attempt to get into your mind, you made sure to stay extra cautious of it.

 

Thankfully it was a short ride and once on the ground you were able to excuse yourself. The meeting with the bounty hunter was in less than an hour and you still had to clear things up with Phasma. ' _Had I been aboard the ship with her this would already be taken care of.'_

She was waiting for you outside Kylo Ren’s ship with a slew of storm troopers lined up behind her. In a brief meeting you passed on some of the information Hux had given you this morning. Though there were far too many individuals for such a simple negotiation, you were still confident this would be an easy deal with little to no trouble. ' _That is, if Kylo Ren doesn’t get involved.'_ You hoped your transaction and Ren’s meeting with the bounty hunter would not get caught up in each other.

 

Luckily, they didn’t. Your transaction went smoothly, as anticipated. The extra Stormtroopers were completely unnecessary, as you knew they would be. Passing the credits onto the bounty hunter, he ensured the contract would be completed. Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen during your exchange.

 

Afterwards, as the bounty hunter walked back to his camp.. you felt strange. Turning to Phasma you assured her everything was fine and to ready the shuttles back. Then you turned to follow the direction of the man. Once in ear shot of his tent you knew what the strange feeling had been. Muffled yells were coming from inside. You listened closely.

 

“The smuggler Han Solo.. You know him. Tell me where he is” Ren’s robotic voice boomed.

 

“I....I don’t know. Haven’t.. seen him in ....years... since.... Jabba’s Palace” you recognized the bounty hunter's voice.

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

You heard nothing more than faint coughing sounds. Opening the flap and entering you watched as Kylo Ren held the bounty hunter in mid air, he was grabbing at his neck desperate to breathe.  

 

“Commander!” You weren’t sure where the bravery to confront Ren came from but you had orders straight from General Hux not to let him kill the bounty hunter, and he knew it.

 

Kylo Ren dropped the bounty hunter and started towards you, fuming. You stood your ground. You were afraid of the man, of course, but running would have been worse.

 

“General Hux gave clear orders... Sir” you said, voice unshaken.

 

Kylo Ren stood towering over you, shaking. He stared you down, considering. For a second he lifted his arm, then dropped it back to his side fists clenched tight in his gloves. After what seemed a silent hour long debate whether or not he’d kill you, he spat

 

“I have what I came for”  and stormed out.

  
Breathing a sigh of relief as Ren exited you looked back at the bounty hunter catching his breath on the ground. The damage was done now. You could only hope the bounty hunter would carry out his contract as agreed, that The First Order was so intimidating he would know better than to go back on a deal.


	3. Ren's Mission

As you reported for duty this morning good news awaited. Upon arrival to your team’s office word was passed on that the bounty hunter you hired on your first mission completed his contract. You couldn’t help but feel relieved. It had only been three days but they had been stressful. Sleep had not come easy. You wanted to prove your worth, that you were as good as your reputation suggested, but after nearly killing the bounty hunter you were afraid Kylo Ren’s presence had affected your work. 

Unfortunately, as you checked your tablet, you were informed by the bounty hunter himself that he would not be taking another contract from The First Order.  _ I wonder why? _ you thought sarcastically. He was terrified of Kylo Ren. Three days to carry out a contract is a very short amount of time, he must have completed it as soon as possible, knowing the second it was carried out he’d not have to deal with The First Order again. 

 

Walking towards the command room to report the news to General Hux you were stopped by a messenger droid. It handed you a small piece of paper which you pocketed before entering. 

 

“Sir, I’ve come to report that the bounty hunter has completed the contract. Now we are waiting for the next one to offer their services.”

 

“Very good.” Nodded Hux.

 

You were still standing there when he eventually asked 

 

“Anything else?”

 

“..Uh, yes, Sir. I was hoping perhaps --” you were cut off by Kylo Ren entering the room.

 

“Supreme Leader has asked for your presence” Ren’s voice echoed off the metal walls. 

 

Looking towards Kylo Ren and then back to you, Hux said

 

“You’ll have to complete your report at a later time” He turned away from you and walked out. 

 

As Hux was exiting you looked up at the silver of Ren’s mask and nodded a brief farewell, turning away.  _ He’s not wearing his cowl today. _

 

“I sent a droid to you” Kylo Ren stated. 

 

You stopped and turned back, feeling your pocket for the paper you had slipped inside.

“The message was to report to me at a later time.. Now will do.” He stepped towards you and you hesitated to breathe. “You resisted me. How.” It was more a statement than a question.

 

_ Resisted him? What the hell is he talking about.  _

 

“It won’t happen again” he said while raising his hand to your face. 

 

_ He’s trying to read my mind. _ You felt the prickles in your head as he saw what you were about to ask Hux: permission to explore the planet, see the forest outside your window. You loved watching the snowfall, it was so calming, you longed to venture through the woods.  _ Stop it.  _ You put up the same meager block you had before and took a step back from him. That’s what he wanted. He dropped his hand.

 

“Who taught you the ways of the force?” Each step back you took, he took one forwards.

 

“Nobody, Sir, I’ve just always been this way. You could say I taught myself.” You searched the front of the helmet for some sign, to no avail.  _ He doesn’t seem angry.  _ You could tell he wasn’t happy with your answer though. “When I was a child they told me stories, that I was special. Nothing came of it.” Though you couldn’t deny the fear you felt, you stopped taking steps back and once again chose to stand your ground.

You watched the helmet turn to the side, examining. 

 

“You’re afraid.” You were willing to bet he was smiling under that helmet as he said it, adding “In the morning I have a mission to carry out. You will accompany me.”

 

_ What?  _

 

“Sir with all due respect, I am under General Hux’s ord--”

 

“ _ I _ will take care of Hux. See you’re aboard my ship in the morning. In civilian clothing.” He was still standing there, staring down at you.

 

“Understood.” you said and “Am I dismissed?” He waited another few moments, staring you down.. then waved his hand with little interest, dismissing you.

 

**

 

That night you hardly slept. Kylo Ren wanted you on a mission.  _ Why? _ He was right. You are afraid. He’s a scary man, but he knows that. One doesn’t wear a mask to hide himself unless he wants to intimidate others.  _ Still _ , you thought,  _ He didn’t kill me when I caught him strangling the bounty hunter. From the stories I’ve heard, people have been executed by him for far less.... _

 

The sun was rising. You could see the faint beams starting to reflect in your window, casting shadows through your room. _ Forget it, I’m going to watch the sunrise, have my breakfast rations, and join Kylo Ren.  _

For what it was worth it felt nice wearing something other than your First Order uniform. Sure, you could switch between skirts and pants, but that wasn’t too exciting. Looking at yourself in the mirror you realize you’d almost forgotten what it looked like when you weren’t dressed in black and gray.  _ Civilian garb makes me look far less intimidating.  _ Not that you looked very intimidating anyway, but the First Order uniform had a way of striking fear. 

 

**

 

You were at Kylo Ren’s Command ship early but he was nowhere to be found.  _ Was this some sort of joke?  _ Your thought hardly finished when you heard the familiar mechanized voice behind you

 

“We will board shortly.”

 

Twirling around you took a good look at the man approaching you. He was so tall.. and, per usual, wearing every shade of black imaginable. The armour overlapping his arms only defined his muscular build.. Today he wore the hood over his helmet. 

 

“Good morning Commander.” you greeted him confidently. You weren’t going to let him over-intimidate you today.

 

He came up next to you, waiting for the Stormtroopers to board and ready the ships engines. There was nothing but silence between the two of you and the only recognition he made of your presence was when he waved his arm in front of him, letting you board first. Not sure what to do you sat in the same position you had on your first flight. He took the seat next to you, just as before. There were only two Stormtroopers on the ship, excluding the ones flying the craft.  _ Dare I bother asking what this mission is about? Because last time worked so well.  _

 

As if sensing what you were about to say Kylo Ren muttered 

 

“A resistance sympathizer has been reported on a planet near here. He may contain some valuable secrets.” 

 

“Are we capturing him, Sir? Or just intimidating? There aren’t too many Stormtroopers on board.” 

 

“That is yet to be seen.”

 

Nothing else was said for the rest of the flight, which was rather long. Your mind explored reasons for being on this mission.  _ Perhaps he admired my way of negotiations with the bounty hunter.  _

 

When the ship landed Ren stood first while you and the troopers followed closely behind. Exiting the ship you saw a pathetic-looking village in the distance. You didn’t need to be close to see these people were starving and had next to nothing. Kylo Ren turned to face you

 

“Seek out the resistance sympathizer. I sense these people do not like outsiders and will give one up easily.”

 

Making your way to the village you spot what seemed like a trading booth, though it had very little to trade. An older woman approached you 

 

“You will find nothing here but sadness, we are a poor people. Go back from where you came.” 

 

“I’m seeking out a man, I was - supposed to meet him here in this village.” You lied. “Is there anyone hiding out among you, a new face?”

 

“Oh people come and go from time to time here, but no one ever stays.” 

 

_ I don’t have time for this. _

You smiled at the old woman and made for an open tent. 

 

“Excuse me” you announced yourself to the few men and children inside. 

 

One man, middle aged though he had seen a lifetime of work, approached you, waving you back outside. 

 

“I’m looking for a man” you said. “He has information about my lost brother, please, is there an unfamiliar face in this village. He hasn’t been here long, I’m supposed to meet him.”

 

“There’s been a few unfamiliar faces lately” He said. “Your lost brother, eh?” 

 

“Yes, he was taken. This man insisted he had information on his captor. Where have you seen these unfamiliar faces?” 

 

“Down by the storage houses, said they were here to protect ‘em, but I don’t see why they need any protectin’.”

 

“We don’t like new people here.” Another man exiting the tent spat out. “You tell those thieves to leave. And take yourself with them.” The second man glared at you. 

 

_ A threat? This old man doesn’t know what’s good for him. _

 

“I’ll see who’s down there. Thank you.” 

 

Returning towards the ship you found Kylo Ren already in the village. 

 

“Storage houses” you said, approaching him. 

 

Kylo Ren made no response, instead, he hastily marched towards the storing area. The two Stormtroopers stayed behind in case of a runner, or trouble in the village.

 

“It’s been implied there are multiple men here, not just one sympathizer.” you addressed.

 

Ren looked over you but said nothing. You put a hand on your blaster.  _ If there’s trouble, I’ll be ready. _

Upon reaching the storage houses you saw no one, but you could feel the presence of many men. If you could, so could Kylo Ren. You looked to Ren when you caught movement in the corner, a man lifting his gun. Firing your weapon without a second thought, the man was down. This introduced the rest. 

 

Men jumped out from behind doors, crates, and supplies. Not too many, in the end there had only been 6.

The battle was over before it had even begun. You took down 2 more men, Kylo Ren took the remaining. 

 

You watched the scene unfold, mesmerized by the commander _.  _ He had used his lightsaber to reflect the enemy's shots effortlessly. It was a privilege to watch him fight.  _ If I can even call it ‘fighting’ _ You couldn’t help but admire the saber as you’d never seen such a thing, bright red like fire, spraying furious flames out from 3 different points. Your head buzzed slightly as you stared at him and the weapon.  _ Is he even out of breath? _ He stood up tall, retracting the blade.  _ Something doesn’t feel right. _ Looking up to where his eyes should be, you realized Kylo Ren was looking down at you.  _ How long was I staring at him?  _ Your cheeks flushed slightly as you looked down. Kicking the dead man next to you as a distraction, you asked

 

“The man you’re looking for.. is he here?” 

 

Before you knew what was happening someone jumped out from behind a box and grabbed you from behind. You felt the coolness of a blade up against your neck. Struggling against your captor's grip the blade was pressed further into your throat. 

 

“Kylo Ren” spat the woman. You recognized the voice as the older woman from the trade stand. “You truly thought you could catch a resistance member off guard?”

 

Kylo Ren said nothing.  _ How could I have been so foolish to let me guard down?  _

 

“Leave this village” the woman said “and don’t bother coming back, I’ll be gone by then.”

 

“You have something I want” answered Kylo Ren “And you’ll give it to me” he took a step towards you and your captor.

 

“Take another step and the girl is dead! Do not try me.” The woman threatened.

“Kill her. She means nothing to me.” Kylo Ren said dully.

 

_ WHAT?  _ Your heart sunk. The buzzing in your head was worse.

_ Is this why he requested me here? Did he expect this to happen? I’m to be used as some sacrifice for secrets?  _ You were angry. Fuming at yourself for letting your guard down when you sensed something wrong. That you were just thrown to the grave so easily. What you heard about Kylo Ren must be true afterall. He was ruthless. He cared for nothing and noone. You were almost certain he could save you if he wanted to. Yet, he chose not to.  _ NO.  _ You wouldn’t stand for it. 

 

Using your abilities you reached for the woman’s dagger with your mind. In an instant it was in your hand. You turned and rounded on her, ready to cut her throat.  _ I could care less if Ren wants her alive.  _ You took a step towards her when... you found yourself on the ground. 

 

Looking up horrified and confused you saw the smiling woman with your blaster in hand, pointed directly at you. You realized now, as you grabbed her dagger, she grabbed your blaster. You clutched your side and looked at your hand covered in blood. Dizziness set in, as you weakly stood. You saw the two troopers running down from the village.  _ The blaster-fire must have drawn them.  _ The old woman suddenly dropped the gun as her arm shot to his side, she seemed to struggle, as if her body wouldn’t respond to command.

 

_ “ _ Bring her on board” Kylo Ren snapped at the troopers as he walked towards you. He reached to grab your arm, you were swaying, hardly standing up straight. _ No. _ You were so angry, livid that he had just given you up for dead moments earlier.  _ Why am I this upset? This is hardly the first time I’ve been betrayed. _

  
You didn’t care. With whatever strength you had left, you pushed his arm off of you. The effort proved too much though and you fell to the ground grasping your side, crying out in pain. Despite your initial backlash Kylo Ren lifted you up effortlessly. He carried you as one might carry a lover, gentler than you’d imagined possible, avoiding your new wound. Your thoughts were swirling and you were rapidly losing consciousness as the pain increased from the fading of adrenaline. You saw what you thought was the command ship and moments later it felt like someone was tearing at your side. You let out a scream from the pain and everything went black.


	4. Medical Leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I've been working doubles like crazy at my dad's new restaurant so I wasn't able to post an update earlier. Sorry!)

‘Mmm’ you weakly groaned as you turned in your sleep.. or at least, you tried to turn. You woke from your deep dreams ever so slightly.  _ Why can’t I turn over _ ? You jerked harder to turn into your pillow but the damage was done. Jolting upright and fully awake you cried out in pain, clutching your side. Pain. SO much pain took over your body. It prevented you from thinking. Thoughts flooded into your mind but you couldn’t concentrate on a single one.

When the initial shock passed you worked to regain yourself, groaning.  _ Where am I?  _ You looked over the foreign room.  _ What am I doing here? _

You paused, laying back down on your pillow to consider the last thing you remembered. It came back at once. The mission. The pathetic village. The fight. Kylo Ren and his lightsaber. He betrayed you. You were shot. He... carried you back to the ship.

 

You stopped to consider your options. Finally deciding you wanted a better look at the damage you’d suffered, you worked at pulling up your shirt. The first two layers of your clothing were gone. You were only in your tight undershirt - ripped away just enough to get to the wound. Flinching at the pain it caused you examined the bandages wrapped around your torso. They were increasingly soaking with new blood.  _ From moving so quickly. You idiot. _ As you tried to stand a pair of medical droids entered the room

 

“Please miss, lay back down, we will change the bandage.” The first robot moved towards you, the other readied supplies.

 

You laid back and let them change the bandage, a bit impatiently. The droid prodded your side too hard and you cringed deeply, biting your tongue to hide the scream that tried desperately to escape. The droid tried again only to prod your tender flesh for a second time. The bandage wasn’t staying down. Once more the poor droid tried only to be met with a flash of your anger. You couldn’t take another hit to the side without screaming. 

 

“GET AWAY FROM ME! I’LL DO IT.” You lashed out at the droid with your good side.

 

It slowly backed away as you held your breath against the effort of taping the bandage. You let out a sigh of relief as it was done. Laying back the droid checked your work and left the room. You closed your eyes and thought back to your last memories again. They came in flashes and didn’t flow correctly.  _ I must of blacked out every time I closed my eyes. _

 

You had been held hostage and shot by the resistance fighter, that much you remembered clearly... Though you fought his embrace Kylo Ren lifted you up, carrying you to the ship. You remember sliding your arm around his neck, almost unconscious. He hadn’t protested. You could just barely see the command ship. You don’t remember how you got inside but imagined Ren carried you the whole way. On the last strings of consciousness you remember looking to your side where Ren was tearing away at the clothing clinging to your wound, he pressed something cold against your side. That’s when you remember screaming and .... nothing.  _ There’s something else though. _ You remembered a strange buzzing between your ears.  _ What had that been? _

 

You opened your eyes to someone entering your room.

 

“Ah, good, you’re awake.” 

 

It was General Hux. 

 

“Sir.” you managed, sitting up. 

 

“How is your wound?”

 

“It’s alright, not so bad.” You lied. You’d had your share of wounds in the years but you’d never taken a blaster shot from so close. It was one of, if not the most, painful things you’d experienced.

 

“Good.” He didn’t sound all that happy for you. “I’m afraid, (Y/N), we must discuss your recklessness. What were you doing accompanying Ren on his mission?”

 

_ This guy didn’t spare a moment.  _

 

“Sir?” you answered. “Kylo Ren personally requested me on his mission. He informed me himself that you would be aware of my absence.” 

 

“...Ren  _ personally  _ asked you on the mission? Why?”

 

“I’m not sure why, General. I was only following orders.” 

 

You winced as a sharp pain shot through your body, clutching at your side desperately, and groaning loudly. 

General Hux looked you over with little patience.

 

“I’ll leave you to tend to your wounds.” .. “However, I must inform you that you are restricted from the command room or contacting any of your team. As of now you are dismissed from duty. If I were you, (Y/N) I would keep in mind that you report to  _ me.  _ Not Kylo Ren. You’ll be notified when your presence is required.” He left without another word. 

 

You wondered if your ‘presence’ would ever be required again. If you had had the energy to be mad, you would have been furious. But just now all you wanted was to sleep. 

 

***

 

You woke to a droid injecting you with some sort of painkiller. The needle stung as it entered your arm but it quickly faded as you felt your body relax, head dizzy from the quick-acting drug.

 

“When am I allowed to leave?” 

 

The droid finished his work before responding 

 

“This was the last of your scheduled injections. You will be administered medication and orders to report to your quarters shortly”

 

Shortly was right. As the medical droid left the room a messenger droid replaced it. The robot handed you a piece of paper, it read: 

 

‘(Y/N) 

2 weeks medical leave

Adequate medication for that time

Report back once a week until fully healed’ 

 

The note was stamped on the bottom with the symbol of The First Order and a series of numbers that must have belonged to the droid in charge of discharges. 

 

_ Two weeks medical leave. Which would end first though? Restriction from command or medical leave?  _ Somehow you knew it was the latter _.  _ Hux wouldn’t forgive insubordination easily, whether or not it was accidental. _ Whatever.  _ Gathering yourself you hopped off the bed.  _ Bad idea _ . The pain medication was strong and you faltered, grabbing hold to the counter for stability.  _ Note to self, don’t move too fast.  _

 

Exiting the medical ward you were faced with a bit of a quandary. You’d never been to this part of the ship. An officer walked by you, staring you down in disgust.  _ Fair enough. My clothing is torn apart, I’m bandaged, I must look a mess.  _

 

“In what direction is the command room?” your words were slightly slurred.  _ How strong is this medication? _

 

“West.” The officer said giving you another bad look, pointing down the hall. 

She turned away from you before you could even say thanks.

 

_ If I can get to the command room, I can find my quarters.  _

 

Heading down the hall you were overly aware of the stare from various Stormtroopers passing by. Mask or no mask you could feel their eyes on you.  _ I could care less, you get shot at point blank range and survive. _ Acutely aware of the way you swayed pacing down the hall, things started to look familiar. Your eyes caught a fist-sized dent in the wall as you approached a turn.  _ They still haven’t fixed that? _ Pausing, you laughed out loud, regretting the decision immediately as you clutched your side. The drug was strong but the muscles around your wound were far too tender.  _ This is where I slammed head on with .. him. _

Turning the corner you found yourself on the verge of laughing once more, but quickly stopped yourself before the pain in your side could start again. The only thing that saved you from knocking directly into Kylo Ren for the second time was the fact you could hardly stand straight.

 

“(Y/N)” Kylo Ren’s synthesized voice said.

 

There was emotion in that robotic voice but you couldn’t pinpoint it. 

 

“Kylo Ren.” you slowly let the name slip off your tongue. Shaking your head groggily you corrected yourself “I mean... Commander.”  _ This pain med is going to get me killed.  _

 

He looked you over. You didn’t even have to feel his eyes watching you as his helmet moved slowly up and down your figure. “Why aren’t you in the medical ward?” 

 

_ Oh, do I look that bad? _

 

You looked up at the mask, examining every little dent and scratch in the metal, slowly handing him the letter of discharge. He read it over in a second and crunched the paper in his leather glove, reaching out his free hand to steady you as you swayed from standing still so long. After a brief pause he said

 

“We must discuss the mission.”

 

The buzzing in your head started all over again. Your anger was sparked.  _ The mission? The one you nearly sacrificed me on, the one I’m in the process of recovering from? No thanks. I’m too tired for this. _

 

“Perhaps at a later time... Sir” You tried to push past him. You’re a bold person, but the medication was making you even bolder. 

 

A wave of anger flared from the man. 

 

“You should be _ thankful _ .”

 

The remark was too much for you, your patience was thin, you were hurting and tired, the pain medication gave you a numbness that allowed a reckless response. 

 

“Thankful? You were going to let the resistance fighter  _ kill me. _ Why you carried me back here, I can’t possibly imagine, but it doesn’t matter anyway as I’m now dismissed from duty. General Hux was not informed of my --” You were choking. Grabbing at your neck with both hands, tears slowly ran down your face.  _ I’ve gone too far.  _ A sadness bubbled up inside you as your breathing stopped, the anger in you was fading. Not sure why, you released a hand from your throat and reached towards Kylo Ren, placing your palm on his chest. 

 

He jerked back as you laid your hand down on him.

 

In a moment you were on the floor. Ren had released you. Standing over you, hands clenched and fists shaking you felt smaller than ever compared to him. He stood ready to pounce, an animal sizing up his prey. You closed your eyes as his arm quickly moved towards you.  _ I’m dead.  _ You accepted your fate.

 

Instead, he grabbed the arm on your good side and pulled you up. For a moment neither of you moved, he only dug his fingers deeper into your skin. 

Keeping a tight hold on your arm he marched down the hall. You desperately tried to keep up with his steps as he passed the dining area. To your surprise you could see the door to your quarters ahead.. He stopped short, nearly tripping you in his sudden halt. 

 

_ What’s happening?  _ Your head was spinning. Was it from the pain med, the lack of oxygen, the quick movements?  _ Probably all three.  _ The pain from your side was shooting through your body from moving so fast.  _ I think I’m going to be sick. _

 

There was no one else in the hall as he forced you to look directly at him. He lowered himself to eye level with you.  _ Not that I can look him in the face. _

 

Kylo Ren released his tight grip from your arm, choosing a gentler hold on your shoulder. “Forget Hux. You report to me now.” 

 

Your throat was too dry to audibly answer him so you went for a quick nod of your head instead. You searched his mask, it blocked any emotion he may be displaying on his face.  _ What does his face look like anyway? _ You got the sense that his anger had calmed, there was something else, the same emotion you felt when he said your name. You could feel him searching your face for the emotions you displayed. Mostly confusion. The silence between the two of you seemed endless. Eventually he straightened himself.

 

“We  _ will _ discuss the mission.”

 

As he marched away his hand slowly fell from your shoulder. 

  
You entered your room weakly, already feeling the bruises forming on your arm where he had grasped it so tight.  _ What just happened?  _


	5. New People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (wow I am so incredibly sorry for not updating I've been so extremely busy. I will try to get the next chapter up sooner)

Showering with the wound in your side was a harder task than you imagined. Washing your hair with one hand, sizzling pain to your side if hot water hit the tender flesh. Cleaning the wound itself was the worst part. Of course, you didn’t want it to become infected but the pain was unbearable. You had spent the last two days in bed letting your tired body rest, thankful for the time you had after the confusion of the past week. But today you were restless.  _ I can’t just sit around in here.  _ You hoped the shower would calm the musings in your head, all you wanted was to relax but every drop of water that hit your wound was a reminder. 

Eventually you gave up on any thought of relaxation. Exiting the shower you sat on your bed bundled in a towel.  _ I can’t stay in here another day  _ you thought while shaking out your soaked hair, braiding it to keep it out of the way.

 

Tenderly you donned the pants to your grey uniform. Looking in the mirror you delicately traced the injury. The water had washed away the blood but the simple stress from your moving body was enough to make the bleeding start all over. Opening your dresser drawer you searched for bandages.  _ None. Fantastic. _ Ever so carefully you pulled on the matching grey shirt and laced up your boots. No bandages meant you had to report to the medical ward. 

 

Slowly you made your way down the hall, careful to show no signs of pain. It didn’t take long for traces of red to show on the side of your uniform. 

 

As you neared the medical ward General Hux came from around a corner with an energy of displeasure accompanying him. He glanced at you quickly with little to no interest until he spotted the side of your uniform now rather wet with blood.

 

“Do you wish to be cited for improper dress?” 

 

_ Oh, please. Don’t take your bad mood out on me.  _

 

“I’m reporting to the med-bay right now, Sir. I lacked bandages.” 

 

“See to it you don’t run into that problem again.” He gave you one more disgusted glance and carried himself away. 

 

You stormed into medical bay.  _ Does that idiot think I want my clothes to be stained with my own blood?  _

 

“Droid. I need bandaging.” You announced to the medical-bot ahead of you.

It led you to a room where you removed your shirt and were patched up. 

 

“The wound is healing well. You have nothing to worry about. Do you require any further assistance?” 

 

_ I’m not worried about anything. _

 

“I need extra bandages. Enough to last me at least a week.” you picked up the ruined shirt “and a new uniform.” 

 

The droid easily complied and you were out of the med-bay in minutes. 

 

*****

 

After leaving the medical ward you made up your mind to grab something to eat in the dining hall.  _ If I return to my quarters I’ll lose my mind. _ As you grabbed a tray of food an officer came up behind you

 

“Care to sit with us?” He asked you, motioning to a table with a few Stormtroopers and another officer. 

 

Though usually you kept to yourself, uninterested in small talk, you accepted his request.  _ Gives me something to do. _

 

“I’ve seen you around the base a few times.” he said while you sat down at the table “What’s your name?”

 

“(Y/N)” you responded. “And yours?” you looked around the table, inviting everyone to introduce themselves. 

 

The man’s name was Robb. The woman officer to your right was Alayne, next to her was Jon (or JN-3289), Todd (TD-4723), and finally Jess (JS-2184). Stormtroopers didn’t actually have names, but outside of duty many of them gave themselves an identity other than a number. 

You gave them all a small smile. 

 

“So what do you do around the base?” Robb asked you, lightly touching you on the shoulder. 

 

_ Nothing apparently.  _ “Actually I’m on medical leave at the moment.”  _ and get your hand off me. _

 

“I hope you’re not too hurt!” Robb answered, overly sympathetic.

 

_ This man tries way too hard. _

 

“Any good story behind whatever's wrong?” asked Jon as he rolled his eyes at Robb’s remark.

 

“Nothing too exciting, it was a resistance spy, she shot me with a blaster. I imagine that’s the same story for most everyone injured in The First Order.” You said with a laugh and a deep cringe.  _ I need to remember not to laugh.  _

 

“You were shot on a mission and still lived to tell the tale?” Alayne asked incredulous. 

 

“You’re a lucky one” added Jon.

 

“I don’t take your meaning?” You asked.

 

“When someone is badly injured on a mission they’re left behind or killed on the spot. Especially Stormtroopers. You must be  _ extra special. _ ” Jess, the woman trooper, added. A sad tone to her voice initially but towards the end her statement turned to sarcasm and jealousy. She picked up her tray and walked away. 

 

You took care not to change your expression. You know what it’s like to lose someone you love but it’s not your fault you’d been brought back for medical care.  _ Bitch. _

 

“Don’t mind Jess, her brother was killed for being injured during a raid. She’s bitter about it” Robb paused and looked over at her for a moment before returning his gaze to you “Who saved you?” 

 

Before you could answer a messenger droid begged your attention. 

 

“Message for (Y/N)” It said, handing you a piece of paper. 

 

You opened it up. It read “ _ Report to room 232”  _

 

Robb had obviously been reading over your shoulder because he asked 

 

“Why would you need to report  _ there _ ? _ ”  _

 

“Room 232?” You asked. Your new acquaintances all look at you with pity and surprise. You looked back at all of them.  _ What’s their problem?  _ “Why? What’s in that room?”

 

“You must be new.” Alayne sniggered.

 

“Don’t you know?” asked Todd

 

With a wave of his hand towards his comrades Robb turned to you and said 

 

“It’s Kylo Ren’s study.” he said and added a bit hesitantly “I wouldn’t worry about it though, he probably just has an assignment for you.”

 

_ This guy's reputation really does precede him _ .  _ Everyone’s terrified of him.  _

 

“Oh.” you stood, unbothered. “If you’ll excuse me then. Nice to meet you all.”

 

You walked away as they all nodded their goodbyes. You’d only taken a few steps away when you heard someone say to Robb 

 

“Guess you won’t be asking her out... ever.” followed by a table full of laughter. 

 

****

 

As you approached Ren’s study you were a tad anxious.  _ Hopefully he really does just want to discuss the mission.  _ Upon arrival you hadn’t even had a chance to knock before the door opened. You walked in slowly, taking a quick scan of your surroundings.  _ Black and grey metal. What a surprise. _ Kylo Ren was standing in front of the window, back turned to you. 

 

“Commander.” you said.

 

A long moment passed before he acknowledged you. As he finally turned around you prepared yourself for the worst. He said nothing until he was inches away from you.

 

“I did not request you on my mission for you to become a hostage.” He paused and then added “Or killed.” 

 

_ I don’t know what I expected him to say but that was not it.  _

 

“Oh.” you managed.

 

“You were indeed foolish to let your guard down.”

 

In that moment you realized what the buzzing in you head had been.  _ He found another way into my mind. There’s no other way he would know those were my exact thoughts.  _ A flash of anger hit you.

 

“You were in my head.”

 

He ignored your statement.

 

“I chose to have no influence on your rescue to observe your actions.”

 

_ Does he expect a thank you?  _ You said nothing. 

The helmet turned ever so slightly to the side. 

 

“You performed poorly.”

 

Your mouth fell open.  _ Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed. _ Immediately you closed your lips realizing what you’d done, but it was too late. He had seen it. 

 

“You disagree?” He asked, almost angrily. 

 

_ “ _ No Sir.” You straightened yourself up, careful of your side. “I was careless to not keep an eye on my blaster.”

 

“That was not your mistake.” Ren’s voice was deep but the hint of anger was gone. 

 

Confusion contorted your face.  _ What was? _

 

“You need a teacher.” Ren said to you.

 

“A .. teacher?” 

 

“I can show you the ways of the force.” 

 

_ The force? _ You considered his words and your face slowly softened as you realized what he had just said. Flashbacks of your childhood wrenched through your brain.  _ They told me I was special and shunned me for it.  _

 

“Regretfully I must admit you’re not very powerful. But there is room for improvement.” Ren continued.

 

You didn’t care if you were powerful, you just wanted to understand how it all worked. You’d coped with your ‘special’ abilities your whole life. To have guidance on those abilities... 

You looked up at the mask in front of you, a wide smile spreading on your face.  _ Was the mission his way of testing me? _

 

“You would teach me?” You asked

 

He stared down at you unmoving. You couldn’t explain it but you felt a different presence from the man. His usual tension had almost.. softened. He reached up a hand from his side and slowly raised it towards your face. Almost cupping the side of your face he said 

 

“Tomorrow you will report here at 8.” He dropped his hand before it could touch you and turned around quickly. “Dismissed.” 

 

You turned to leave but paused, looking over the back of his black robes you said 

 

“Thank you. Sir.”

  
He stiffened ever so slightly. You watched his helmet turn to the side as if he was turning around with something to say. Just as quickly, though, he walked back to his window and you walked out the door. 


	6. First Lesson

Wrapping your newly cleaned injury for the morning you looked in the mirror and smiled at yourself. You tucked your hair up in a bun, a little messier than General Hux would like, but right now you could care less about his snippy uniform standards. You didn’t have a worry in the world because today you would train to use the force.  _ Plus, I look nicer this way.  _

 

You stopped in at the dining hall for a quick morning meal. Robb, the officer from yesterday was sitting at a table with Todd the stormtrooper. As you grabbed a tray and some food Todd elbowed Robb in the side motioning towards you. The look on his face was priceless.  _ They didn’t expect me to leave Kylo Ren’s office alive. _ You pretended not to notice. As you walked past their table Robb said 

 

“(Y/N)! Goodmorning!” 

 

Todd added

 

“We didn’t expect to see you.” 

 

“Oh!” You said, faking surprise. “I hadn’t noticed you guys.” you sat down at the table between the two of them and picked at your food.

 

“You look nice today..” said Robb. You could feel the embarrassment radiate off him once he said it. 

 

_ Poor guy.  _ You smiled slightly. Todd wasn’t so hesitant in starting conversation though

 

“How in hell did you report to Kylo Ren yesterday and  _ live _ ?” 

 

You laughed at his question.  _ Shit _ . You clutched at your side and leaned over the table, riding through the shock of pain to your wound. They both looked at you concerned. Robb more than the trooper next to him. He reached to touch your shoulder but you straightened and smiled weakly

 

“I was only reporting back after the mission I accompanied him on.”

 

“Are you alright?” Robb reached over to your side, ignoring what you said

 

You waved him away reassuring him you were fine. 

 

“The mission you were wounded on?” Todd asked, continuing the conversation. 

 

“Same one.” you smiled again. You were toying with them, you knew how it sounded to go on a mission with Kylo Ren. You finished up what little food you had put on your tray. “In fact” you glanced up at the clock on the wall knowing you had plenty of time “I’m going to have to say goodbye to you two because I have orders to report to him again this morning.” You stood and waltzed away. 

 

“That one is out of your league.” You overheard Todd say to his friend.

 

“Shut up.” Robb answered.

 

******

 

When you reached Kylo Ren’s study the door hadn’t opened on its own accord like it did yesterday. You reached your hand up gradually and took a breath to calm yourself. You knocked on the door quietly. A few moments passed.. No answer. You knocked again, a little louder this time.  _ If he could sense me here yesterday why can’t he hear my knocking today.  _

A minute or two passed when you felt your heart begin to sink.  _ Did I misunderstand something?  _ Frowning you took a few steps back from the door. It only took a second to hear the stomping of feet coming towards you from the hall, though. Your head started buzzing.  _ Get out of my head.  _ You announced to Kylo Ren, since you knew he was listening. 

 

“I won’t have you question me.” You heard the familiar snarl of General Hux say.

 

“So glad we could have this talk, General.” Kylo Ren’s synthesized voice mocked him. 

 

You stood in place as they approached you. Per usual Hux looked you up and down, concentrating on the messy bun of hair on your head.  _ Here he goes. Go ahead and cite me for my messy hair, you snob.  _ you silently challenged the General, forgetting Ren was listening. He opened his mouth to say something but Kylo Ren cut him off --

 

“The General kept me longer than anticipated.” Kylo Ren waved you forward to enter his study before him. Hux looked back and forth between you and Ren shocked. His usual disgusted face returned as he turned away in a fit. 

 

As the door shut behind you Ren asked

 

“You don’t care for the General?”

 

You flushed. The buzzing had stopped now but he heard you challenge Hux in the hall. 

 

“I.. I apologize.”  _ Whatever they were talking about before this, Ren is not happy right now. _

 

Ren said nothing and instead looked you over. 

 

“Keep me out of your mind.” He finally said, whipping a hand up to your face, just barely touching your cheek. 

 

It all happened so fast. You weren’t prepared, you didn’t expect him to start lessons the second you walked in the door. You put up your barrier, the simple blockade in your mind. He pushed harder with his thoughts and in an instant he broke through your wall. Pain flooded into your head, through your body. This was different than the buzzing. This was intrusion.

 

“Get.... out.... Get.. OUT!”

 

“Stop me.”

 

You tried, you tried so hard to block him from your mind but it wasn’t working. He was going through your childhood memories. The mocking you grew up with. The children shunning you for not only being force-sensitive but just plain different. Adults wouldn’t treat you fairly. You never felt like you belonged. The hurt and loneliness.

You screamed, begging him to get out. Your body was in so much pain it wouldn’t respond to your movements.

More memories flashed by. You were older now. After years of dangerous deals a bounty hunter finally took you hostage. Your trusted friend. The man you owed your life to. He was giving you up for ransom. Trading you for money. It had been so heartbreaking. The pain worsened as Ren dug deeper. The memories flashed by but you couldn’t concentrate, you gave up when -- he stopped, hand dropping to his side. 

 

You swayed. Dizzy. The room was spinning.. You could no longer feel the unhappiness radiate from the man.  _ There’s something else there.  _ You tried to steady yourself but there was nothing to hold onto, you fell forward ready to hit the floor. 

Kylo Ren caught you. He lifted you up gently and placed you down on a chair. You sat there shaking, it took you a while to recover. He stood across from you the entire time. Watching.  

As the shaking stop he approached you slowly. Once next to you he reached out his hand again.

 

“No. Please. I can’t. Anything else.” your voice was weak.

 

“You don’t want to train?” There was an arrogance behind his voice.

 

“I do want to train but this.. this is torture.” 

 

He came down to eye-level with you. You couldn’t look him in the face. Or rather, mask. You turned your head away from him as you felt his eyes search your face. 

“The thoughts you use to form your barrier. Put strength behind them. Build your wall of steel, not straw.” 

 

Eventually you turned to face him, somehow understanding what he meant. You reluctantly nodded your head and he lifted his gloved hand to your face again, touching your cheek lightly. 

 

Pain hit you again, it wasn’t as forced as before, though it gradually grew as memories flooded by again. You were a teenage girl, an adolescent who had lost everything. You watched the girl weep as the last of her family was gone. She was sad, almost pathetic, and so, so lonely.  _ No.  _ You forced the wall up. 

 

“Good.” you heard Kylo Ren say.

 

He pushed further into your wall but you kept it up, fighting his advance. It was drawing on your strength but you kept strong. You stared at his mask, concentrating on the chipped silver to steady your mind. He attacked again and again with his mind. You could feel a smile forming on your lips as you realized you were stopping him, you were actually succeeding.  _ I want to look him in the face.  _ You shifted your focus to where his eyes should be. That was all it took, though. The instant of distraction was enough for him to break through. Pain flooded through your body as you tried again to put up the wall. It was no use, you had exhausted your energy. He stopped his prying, hand still on your face.  

 

“Better.” the mechanized voice echoed through the silent room. 

 

You searched the mask. You could feel an immense amount of energy coming off the man in front of you, but you couldn’t pinpoint the emotions behind it. You could, however, feel the understanding in him.  _ Understanding of what, though?  _ Unsure why you reached up to your cheek, placing your hand on top his. He stiffened under your touch and within seconds moved away. 

 

The moment he stopped prying into your mind, your strength flooded back. You sat up straight, taking in the sight of the man in front of you.  _ He doesn’t look quite as tense as usual _ . It was the only difference in him though. He wore the same armour, same robes, same mask. Today he wore no cowl, but that was hardly a change. 

 

“I’m ready to try again.” you said, a new talent boiled inside you. You were so proud of holding him off for so long and wanted to try again. 

 

He took a few steps towards you and lifted a hand in the air. 

 

Slowly he crept back into your mind. You didn’t let him sift through any memories this time though. This time you were ready. The blockade was already up. You could feel the battle ensue, he knocked on your minds gates over and over but he wasn’t breaking through. You stared at the man, smile forming once again. He hesitated for a moment, you could feel the lack of his presence in your mind for a split second as you watched him move closer to you, hand twisting in the air, desperately trying to break the wall you had built. _Is he struggling?_ The thought made you smile deeper but the break in concentration let him in ever so slightly. You forced the wall back up but he had creeped in, like he snuck through a secret window you didn't’ know was there. You could feel him breaking through. There was something there, you had no idea what it was but there was a strange sensation as he broke through the gap. Both of you jolted slightly. What was left of your wall crumbled, yet no memories flashed by. You could feel his presence in your mind but it wasn’t intruding. It felt like he was supposed to be there. You felt emotions leak in. Confusion, frustration, anger, admiration.. Loneliness?

 

Kylo Ren’s hand dropped to his side, he straightened, forcing himself into his usual pouncing position. He was guarding himself.  _ From what?  _ The emotions you were feeling seemed foreign, like he was still in your head. 

 

“What happened?” Somehow you didn’t think he knew the answer either. 

 

“We’re finished for today.” Was the only response you received.

 

You stood from the chair, cringing as your side cracked from the new position. You started

 

“Should I come back tomorr-”

 

“Dismissed!” the deep voice echoed off the walls, threatening.

  
Whatever had happened, he hadn’t anticipated it. Nor did he understand it. 


End file.
